I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
