He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
