If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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