i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize