Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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