told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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