and you said cock pushups were impossible
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
