I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It was confusing and full of hummus
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
