I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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