Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
