That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
