I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
