life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
