The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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