sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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