The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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