And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
is that a dick in a sweater?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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