u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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