I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
