Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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