My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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