i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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