It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
