So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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