He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My life is pants optional.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
