Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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