if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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