True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize