He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
