I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
