We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
