I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
