I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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