True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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