he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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