His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
