You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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