She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
