I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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