Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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