using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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