Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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