I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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