Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
