I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
