I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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