theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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