check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
