I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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