mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Randomize
