He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
