Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
