I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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