I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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