woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I pour the whiskey from now on
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
