I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
