i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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