I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
