The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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