Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
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And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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