You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
