You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
