the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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