I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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