My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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